Researched Article - Review #2

I believe that the topic which is discussed is quite interesting and relatable for many people, though especially for those interested in sports.  You did a nice job working your way through the topic and bringing in many important facts and ideas.  Additionally, you were able to add a bit of humor to lighten the mood while still including the true gravity of the situation at hand.  Although much of the article was very well written structural, I felt as if it was a bit difficult to read due to several grammatical errors.  Most notably, there were several run-on sentences.  These issues can all be solved easily just by reading back through the article and recognizing what is wrong.  Overall, I felt that the structure of the article was nice and it allowed for the information to flow with relative ease.  Nonetheless, there are still a few areas where you could improve.  First of all, it appears in some sections that Blatter is your main focus.  While it is fine (and definitely beneficial) to include information about him, make sure you relate it back to your main point(s).  You should also try to give the readers reminders as often as possible (without being annoying) of how all of this affects them.  For example, you could continue your discussion on FIFA paying countries and how this all might affect everyday people.  One additionally and relatively minor issue which I saw is that your sources seemed relatively few and far between.  Make sure you cite all information that isn’t original.  Also, one of your main sources was from John Oliver, which is fine, but you might not want to base all of your information off of what he says, since these shows tend to be quite biased.  I think that once your resolve the grammatical errors, you will have a very nice article.

Researched Article Rough Draft #2: Reviews

The topic of gender identification is definitely a controversial and therefore inherently interesting subject.  The overall flow is fairly nice, although there are a few briefs points which can be left out, since they disrupt the flow.  In particular, it appears that the points made about the one-child policy have no real correlation to the main subject of the paper.  If you can find a way to tie this back into the topic of gender identification, then great, but if not, then it may be best to leave it out of the paper.  There were several grammatical errors throughout the paper, which is understandable since this is simply a draft.  These errors can be easily fixed by reading back through the paper (and through spellcheck).  Also, i’m not sure if they were grammatical errors or not, but you used “gender” and “sex” interchangeably throughout the article, even though you defined them as being different early in the paper.  Consistency is key!  Additionally, there were a few points which are factually incorrect or do not make sense logically.  For example, there is a claim about the sexes only differing by a chromosome, but one chromosome can have such an impact.  Additionally, you claim that women “can’t throw, I can’t think straight, I can’t defend our country, I can’t play with the boys.” None of that is actually true, so I’m not sure if it is just an over exaggeration or something else.  Regardless, it may be best to be more specific or leave this section out since it leads the reader to believe that you are not very knowledgeable about the topic.  It would definitely be beneficial for you to bring up the other side of the argument and then attempt to dispute it, in order to give the reader the impression that you fully understand the topic.  For example, you left out many important aspects of the sexes which differentiate males from females, such as testosterone and others.    

This article is very well written and intriguing.  There are only a few grammatical errors which can easily be fixed.  I liked how you discovered a problem through experimentation and then proceeded to solve the problem, either through research or further experimentation.  Additionally, it greatly helped that the topic is very interesting and somewhat relatable.  Also, it is mysterious.  Since many people do not know very much about dreams, and especially lucid dreaming, you picked a great topic to explore.  Although I enjoyed reading the article, and you did a good job keeping the reader entertained, I felt as if you could have added a little more research.  Rather than coming to a fairly vague conclusion, further research could help you to be more conclusive.  I understand that you included plenty of bits and pieces of research throughout, but I felt as if I was left hanging as a reader.  In order to solve this minor issue, there are several possible solutions.  One of the most obvious one I can think of would be to develop an idea in the beginning which you are trying to solve or determine the validity of.  There are other possible methods as well, but this way, when you get to the end you will be able to be fully encompassing by including a more well defined conclusion.  Nonetheless, I thought the paper was very well written and I liked how you took a more personal approach to the article, which is much more relatable for the reader.  Although the personal aspect is certainly nice, in addition to the aforementioned suggestion regarding research, it may also be beneficial if you add a few more formal sections.  That is merely a suggestions though, since I believe that the paper is already very solid, but it could possibly benefit from more hard facts.

Introduction + 600 words

Meteorologists have an extremely influential and important job.  Many people check the weather first thing in the morning and may continue to check the weather throughout the day.  It is crucial that the forecast is correct, or else future forecasts may be ignored or discarded by viewers.  If the meteorologist “lies” to you with one forecast, why should you believe him or her during the next forecast?  This eventual lack of belief could lead to safety issues when warnings are ignored.  For this reason, meteorologists are under a great deal of pressure to present an accurate forecast.  Unfortunately, creating an accurate forecast is not as easy as it may sound.  An incredible amount of data and uncertainty are involved with these forecasts.  It may seem like a bit too much to ask for someone to predict the future with 100% accuracy, but nonetheless, this is what the public demands. 

Many statistics and other facts will be presented in this article to help discover the accuracy of weather forecasts.  There are limitless amounts of statistical data available to show the accuracy of the forecasts.  People’s perceptions and feelings regarding these forecasts will also be analyzed to better determine why weather forecasts are often considered to be inaccurate or invalid.  Finally, the difficulties of creating weather predictions will be discussed in order for the reader to gain a greater understanding of the field.  Hopefully the reader will realize that predicting the weather is not just a coin flip or simply looking at computer models.  

There are several possible methods of approaching this topic since there are so many different aspects involved.  It was determined that investigating the accuracy of forecasts should be the foremost goal.  This way, it will be possible to discover whether or not people’s anger and frustration with meteorologist is justified in any way.  Since forecasts are issued by countless forecasters many times a day all across the globe, there is essentially an infinite amount of statistics to show the accuracy of forecasts. 

One of the most important aspects of a weather forecast is the precipitation aspect.  For many people, it does not matter what the temperature is, they just want to know if it will rain or snow or do nothing.  In one specific study, weather forecasts for a long period of time, from August through September, were analyzed.  In this analysis, it was determined that the precipitation forecasts were extremely accurate.  Out of the 134 days observed, it only rained once when a 0% chance of rain was predicted.  The other observations show that the other forecasts (for 10%, 20%, and so on) were also quite accurate.  For example, it only rained once out of the ten times a 10% chance of rain was given.  This means it rained 10% of the time when there was a 10% chance of rain, which is about perfect.  Some other numbers were further off, most notably the 50% chance, since it rained all four times that the forecast called for a 50% chance of precipitation.  Since there were only four scenarios when a 50% chance of rain was in the forecast, it is difficult to come to a solid conclusion with that.  It would be better to look at the entire picture, which shows that the forecasts were relatively accurate.  Of note, the forecasts became slightly less accurate when the forecast was further out.  In other words, a forecast of 80% chance of rain nine days in advance is going to be much less accurate than a forecast for one or two days in advance.  There are several reasons for this lack of accuracy as time goes on, which will be discuss in latter sections of this article.   

Although precipitation is important to people, temperature also plays a vital role in people’s lives.  Similar to the precipitation observations, there is a well-defined trend of decreased accuracy as time goes on.  The forecasts for the first few days were quite accurate and consistent.  Figure 5 best shows this accuracy with several graphs indicating the amount of times the forecasted temperature was a certain amount of degrees off from the observed temperature.  During the first for forecast days, it is clear that the actual temperature was typically zero, one, or two degrees off from the predicted temperature.  This shows an incredible accuracy which many people may not be aware of.  Nonetheless, the forecast accuracy does decline with later days in the forecast.  For example, the consensus with day nine is that the forecast has little to no accuracy at all.  The predicted and actual temperatures varied by as much twenty degrees.  While these may seem very costly and potentially dangerous, it is important to realize that the forecast was ultimately accurate within a few days.  This means that if people understand the inaccurate nature of longer term forecast, then they will not be as disappointed when the forecast is relatively far off.  Instead, the focus should be on short term forecasts (within about five days) in order to receive the most accurate forecasts. 

In addition to the important aspect of accuracy, it is also vital to understand why people want to know the weather, as well as what is most important to these people.  In an expansive survey completed by the American Meteorological Society, many of these various questions were answered.  

Researched Article- Introductions

Introduction #1:

Meteorologists have an extremely influential and important job.  Many people check the weather first thing in the morning and may continue to check the weather throughout the day.  It is crucial that the forecast is correct, or else future forecasts may be ignored or discarded by viewers.  If the meteorologist “lies” to you with one forecast, why should you believe him or her during the next forecast?  This eventual lack of belief could lead to safety issues when warnings are ignored.  For this reason, meteorologists are under a great deal of pressure to present an accurate forecast.  Unfortunately, creating an accurate forecast is not as easy as it may sound.  An incredible amount of data and uncertainty are involved with these forecasts.  It may seem like a bit too much to ask for someone to predict the future with 100% accuracy, but nonetheless, this is what the public demands. 

            Many factors play into the idea that weather forecasts a typically inaccurate.  Some of this is simply perception, but also forecasts are obviously not completely accurate.  This issue is very important due to the simple fact that everyone is affected by the weather.  It is always best to know exactly what will happen with the weather and when it will happen, but this is not possible.  Instead, people need to be aware of the complexity involved with the weather so they can be prepared for possible variations in the forecast.  A viewer more willing to accept the uncertainty is much safer than one who completely discounts a forecast due to previous experience, and ultimately the goal of meteorologist is to keep people safe from impending weather.     

Introduction #2:

            Meteorologists receive threats almost every day, but as expected, the number and intensity of these threats increases exponentially when a forecast is deemed to be incorrect.  These meteorologists, such as Robin Reed of Roanoke, Virginia, try their best to keep viewers and their families safe.  Meteorologists do not intentionally make these forecasts wrong, nor is it easy to develop a correct forecast.  Many factors go into these forecasts, so what makes a forecast incorrect?  Can you really expect someone to be able to tell you the exact temperature down to a degree?  Considering the great deal of improvement in the meteorological field over the years, weather forecasts do not deserve to be criticized in the manner that they are.  Forecasts are oftentimes right, but these times are ignored and instead the focus is places on the few times that the forecasts are incorrect.  Many people experience this same phenomenon in other situations.  For example, your line in the grocery store also seems to go the slowest, but this is only true because you tend to forget or not notice the many times that your line was the quickest. 

            Many statistics and other facts will be presented in this article to help discover the accuracy of weather forecasts.  There are limitless amounts of statistical data available to show the accuracy of the forecasts.  People’s perceptions and feelings regarding these forecasts will also be analyzed to better determine why weather forecasts are often considered to be inaccurate or invalid.  Finally, the difficulties of creating weather predictions will be discussed in order for the reader to gain a greater understanding of the field.  Hopefully the reader will realize that predicting the weather is not just a coin flip or looking a computer models.       

           

Introduction #3:

For many years I have had an in depth interest in weather.  As a current meteorology student, I am constantly bombarded with questions about the upcoming forecast.  Following the storm or weather event which I predicted, I almost always receive complaints regardless of the outcome of the forecast.  The complainer will find something, whether it is the timing of the storm, the amount of precipitation, the wind, or the school closing or lack thereof, to complain about.

            While complaints are commonplace in this business, it appears that many people are quite satisfied with weather forecasts.  As a matter of fact, statistic show that 74% of people are either satisfied or very satisfied with the forecasts.  Nonetheless, there are still plenty of people who are not satisfied with weather forecasts.  These unsatisfied people make it a point that meteorologists are “never right” and can still keep their jobs even if they are only right half of the time.  The amount of uncertainty and difficulty which goes into these forecasts make these unsatisfied viewers seem very uneducated and ignorant.  Countless other career fields have a much lower rate of accuracy or success.  For example, in the medical field 26% of illnesses are misdiagnosed (Panovich).  Predicting the future is not as easy as it may sound.    

            Due to the large amount of complicated information which goes into the production of a weather forecast, as well as viewer expectation of an exact prediction, there is a great deal of disagreement over whether or not the forecasts are actually accurate.  

Researched Article- Dinner Table

The primary purpose of my paper is to decide whether or not weather forecasts are actually as inaccurate as many people claim.  In order to help me present arguments effectively, I will need to bring in outside support.  At my “dinner table,” I will need to include statistics and opinions from various different sources.  One of the primary sources of information will be from meteorologists.  Meteorologists will be very important sources of information since they deal with the complaints regarding “wrong” forecasts day in and day out.  If at all possible, I will ask a local meteorologist and professor (Robin Reed) about the specific details of these threats and complaints which he received.  Aside from possible input from Robin Reed, I also plan on using information which is published online by meteorologists.  For example, outspoken meteorologist Brad Panovich (of North Carolina) has posted a blog related to this hot topic. 

For information not related directly to meteorology, I may need to bring in sources in the field of psychology.  This way, I will be able to get information related closer to the perception side of the argument.  Hopefully, I will learn more about how people perceive weather forecasts.  Even though I hope to find some of this information through the psychology side, I also believe that I will learn about perception from the complaints that meteorologists receive.    

In addition to people’s perception and the meteorologists’ personal feelings related to this topic, actual statistics will also need to be introduced to the reader.  This way, the reader will not feel like he or she is being forced to believe anything in particular.  That being said, the data and statistics will still hopefully help me to come to a clear conclusion.  Some of this data may come from meteorologists who analyze this type of information or weather services (such as the National Weather Service or The Weather Channel).  Even still, some of the data may come from areas outside of the meteorology field, which may be better since there would be little to no question of bias. 

I firmly believe that the combination of meteorologists, outside data, and psychology related works will lead to a firm argument and presentation which will help better educate the reader.  

America's Wandering Families

In “America’s Wandering Families,” a chapter in the book Growing Up Empty, Loretta Schwartz-Nobel presents a touching and potentially emotional topic to the reader.  Schwartz-Nobel begins the chapter by stating simple facts and statistics.  These facts help the author develop her voice or ethos.  It is apparent from the beginning that Schwartz-Nobel is very knowledgeable about the topic which she is writing about.  Knowing that the author is well-versed in the topic encourages the reader to believe that what he or she is reading has some level of importance.  Also, this is a great example of logos or support. This informational background is important to setting up the future stories and dialogue. 

In addition to the author developing a strong voice, she also appeals strongly to the author’s emotions.  Nobody (or at least no sane person) would want people to be living out on the streets starving and homeless.  Therefore, the topic which Schwartz-Nobel writes about is able to draw the reader into the story.  While, the topic is certainly appealing, it could also be quite depressing if overused.  Thankfully, the overuse of this possibly depressing topic is avoided by Schwartz-Nobel by incorporating personal stories of homeless people and those helping these unfortunate people.  These stories are effective in making the chapter more approachable and interesting. 

Aside from the more technical aspects of the writing, there are also smaller aspects of the chapter which help to make it very effective.  First of all, Schwartz-Nobel uses a great amount of dialogue, including some extended quotes.  These quotes add a more human and welcoming aspect to the chapter.  This makes the piece much easier to read, therefore creating an overall effective piece of writing.  In addition to dialogue, the author also writes in an orderly manner which allows the writing to flow very nicely.  From the statistics to the stories about homeless shelters and homeless people, there are always smooth transitions will help to make the piece seem completely cohesive.  Any lack in cohesion could distract the reader and create an ineffective piece.  Overall, these minor features combined with the more technical feature lead to a very effective and influential chapter.  

Researched Article Model

While I was looking for researched articles to possibly base my own article on, I came across a very interesting one.  Titled “From Broadway to Backpacks,” the article highlights the importance of musical theater to young children.  Even though I have absolutely no interest in the topic which Rekha S. Rajan, the author, wrote about I still believe that the article will be quite beneficial for my future writing.  The primary reason why I have decided to base my article off of this one is the format.  Rajan broke everything down in a simple and logical format.  I strongly believe that this format and setup will be crucial for me to present my argument and facts while still engaging the reader.

Rajan begins her article by giving basic background information regarding who she is and a brief description regarding why she is writing the article.  I think that this is important so that the reader knows who the author is a bit more personally.  This makes it much more likely for the reader to continue on through the rest of the piece.  After the introduction, Rajan gives background information on the subject, which is crucial so the reader is able to understand everything that Rajan mentions later in the article.  She continues by analyzing the topic in more depth.  This gradual transition, ranging from the introduction to background to more detailed information, will likely be a good basis and format for me to use in my article.  Rajan even divides the specific information into separate sections.  Although I probably will not divide the sections in the same fashion that Rajan did, I do still plan on divided various points, arguments, or research by paragraphs.  Also, the order of these main points is very important.  Without a smooth transition between paragraphs, and more specifically ideas, it is unlikely that the reader will want to continue reader.  Additionally, better flow, similar to what Rajan showed creates a seemingly more legitimate and important paper.  Rajan closes her paper with findings and then a conclusion.  Since my topic isn’t an experiment, I likely won’t have as many findings as she did, but I will certainly have a conclusion to present to the reader.

Overall, it is clear that Rajan’s article presents a clear and effective format which I can easily adopt for my own article.  

Do You Want Lies with That?

               Morgan Spurlock, the author of “Do You Want Lies with That?” presents a decent argument to prove that overconsumption is a major issue in the world today.  While Spurlock is somewhat successful in her overall goal, she seems to wander quite a bit throughout the article.  The only real and detailed mentions of overeating come at the beginning of the article and in the very last paragraph.  The rest of the article (the middle or body) mentions some specific examples or numbers which prove that overconsumption is a real problem.  Unfortunately, Spurlock includes too much information which is not related to the main theme or subject.  For example, she writes a large amount of her paper on tobacco and cigarette use.  Spurlock discusses how cigarette use has decreased and the specific effects of the warnings on the products.  She also mentions these warnings on countless other products.  While this is interesting for the reader, it does not contribute to her overall message, therefore decreasing the effectiveness of the article.

               Several parts of the body of the article could be seen as an expansion from the main subject of overeating, but this information is not very closely related.  For example, knowing that the auto industry has been booming as of late and that there are more drugs and cars today than ever before is helpful for the reader.  That being said, the reader does not need to read that the rates of smoking decreased from 42 percent in 1965 to 23 percent in 2000.  This does everything except support Spurlock’s argument.  The general conclusion which can be drawn is that expansion is beneficial, but only if it is closely related to the main purpose or theme of the article.  Otherwise, the information can harm the argument or distract the reader. 

               Personally, I thought the article was quite interesting because of the personal insight from the reader.  Although the personal input was nice, it would have been more beneficial if the author included a few more facts or pieces of research to prove her point.  Nonetheless, she was still able to form a solid (although a bit vague and disconnected) argument in the end.  

The Influence of "Junk Science" and the Role of Science Education

“The Influence of ‘Junk Science’ and the Role of Science Education” was a very interesting article which effectively combined information and opinion.  Personally, I found the article, written by Lee Ann Fisher Baron, to be quite intriguing.  I believe the article was of interest to me primarily because of the topic and the manner in which it was presented.  The topic is definitely an important subject worthy of the reader’s time.  In addition to the overall intrigue brought up by the topic itself, the author also presents her opinion in multiple places throughout the article.  The use of her opinion creates a more personable or authentic feel to the piece.  Without the personal insight, it would be difficult to grasp who the author actually is, as a real human being. 

               Even though Baron does a great job including her own opinion, she fails to include a decent amount of substantial evidence to back up her claims.  Much of the article includes short segments of information to support her points.  While this is effective, it may be better if she including a larger section or example as a main focus.  Nonetheless, the small bits of evidence combined with the personal opinions and insights certainly helped contribute to an effective researched article. 

               Another example of Baron excelling in her writing is the way in which she expands as she writes.  She begins with a personal example of how error is a regular part of science, and then continues by explaining situations where something is “accepted” without being tested.  After listing several of these types of examples, Baron transitions into the cause and solution portion of the article.  Here, she (as obvious by the titled) lists and explains the causes of this problem.  Once again, she brings in a few specific examples, such as the SAT scores and chemistry textbook.  In the end, it is apparent that Baron has taken a central idea and greatly expanded upon it to further her argument and create a solid and well-written piece.  The last paragraph of the article is a perfect conclusion which wraps up all of the information presented throughout the article by giving a simple and easy to understand solution. 

iGod

               Nicholas Carr’s article “iGod” is a very informative piece of literature.  Throughout a majority of the article, Carr is providing facts and opinions from experts on artificial intelligence and related topics.  This helps Carr to develop a sense of authority and knowledge, even though he is just the presenter of knowledge. 

The use of authoritative and well known figures, such as Google’s founders not only builds credibility, but it also helps attract the attention of the reader.  When the reader recognizes a name or organization in an article, he or she will likely have some level of interest.  Also, the author uses dialogue at the beginning of the article to help bring the reader into the “discussion.”  He wants the reader to feel as if he or she is very involved.  Another way in which Carr engages the reader is through small sections of personal reactions.  Carr never voices his opinion for an extended period of time, but he does include a brief sentence or two of reactions.  Any sort of personal interaction between the author and the reader is beneficial for reader engagement.    

Although Carr is very effective in engaging the reader closer to the beginning of the article, Carr seems to be quite repetitive in the latter portions of the article.  The repetitiveness can easily lead the reader to become distract and/or stop reading.  One of the key things to keep in mind when writing a researched article is that the author is strapped for time.  Therefore, any repetition or useless information has the potential to disengage the reader.  Not only does Carr seem to repeat a lot of similar or closely related information, but he also appears to become a bit distracted in his purpose throughout the article.  Closer to the end of the article, he writes more than a page about George Dyson and an essay which he wrote.  While somewhat related to the main point of the article, this section takes away from the rest of the article because the information presented here does not build on the rest main point.  In my opinion, this section helped to disengage the reader.  The information was not particularly interesting (which isn’t necessarily that important), but more importantly, the information was not related to the primary topic.   

Reviews of Rough Drafts- Experiment Paper

Emily’s Paper:

This essay used a great combination of experience and facts.  The facts and outside information was interwoven very nicely.  Also, the paragraphs were split up in a good way which helped the essay to flow very nicely.  The only possible hindrance to the flow of the paper was the existence of a few grammatical or spelling mistakes.  This can be fixed very easily though, so just be sure to read through the paper again to correct these minor errors.  It appears that most of the errors exist because you are trying to be very informal.  It is nice that you are informal so the paper is more relatable, but try to avoid these errors.  I noticed that a majority of the outside information is other peoples’ opinions, which is definitely valuable information, but it may be a little more convincing if you could find a few more numbers to back up the opinions.  It may be difficult because of the subject, but a few percentages (i.e. how many women wear makeup) should help.  At the end, the conclusion (although interesting) is a bit vague and unrelated to the topic and experiment which was written about.  Try instead to wrap up your discoveries and how the experiment has (or has not) affected you and your daily life. 

Quinn’s Paper:

This essay provides a great deal of narrative which allows the reader to be connected closer to you (the author).  Although it was nice that you had a lot of personal feelings and thoughts, I felt like there was not enough useful outside information.  The parts about the giraffe and the Matis people were a bit humorous and lightened the mood of the paper, which is nice.  It may help, though, if you were to add more outside or factual information to support your arguments.  The support that you do include seems a bit vague and you refute it, so therefore it doesn’t support or fit your argument very well at all.  Throwing in a few numbers or statistical facts should enhance your paper quite significantly.  Another issue that I noticed in the paper was that you seemed to jump around with no particular order or flow.  This may be because your topic wasn’t very well defined at the onset so it was difficult for me to follow.  Therefore, the first step is likely to clarify your topic/experiment and what you set out to determine or solve from the beginning.  Once you complete the previously mentioned problems and correct minor grammatical errors, your final paper will be solid.

Andrew’s Paper:

This rough draft is very well written, with only a few grammatical errors and great flow thus far.  The narrative which is used throughout the introductory paragraph is very productive in lightening the mood and encapsulating the reader.  Without a doubt, the comparisons         and descriptions in the first part of the draft are very beneficial for the paper.  It would be great if you could continue this tone throughout the rest of the paper.  You do a very good job transitioning into your problem and what you are going to do to try and solve the issue.  There is absolutely no question as to what your problem is since you clearly define it, as well as showing it through the narrative.  Aside from the minor grammatical or spelling mistakes, there were not any noticeable issues with the rough draft.  Once you finish writing the rest of the paper, be sure to include outside information to help supplement your paper.  I liked how you included a section about unexpected findings, as this will definitely help make your paper better.  Overall, I think this is set up to be a very solid paper, especially if you can continue writing as you did in the introduction.  

Experiment- Findings, Reflection, and Interesting "Prickles"

               My experiment has focused on limiting cell phone use in order to strengthen my ability to focus and complete assigned tasks.  Thus far, I have completed two different methods in an attempt to reach my goal of only using my phone during breaks in my work.  The first method was to place my phone in a location which was out of my sight.  I chose to place it in my desk drawer, which although within reach, was still not visible.  I definitely noticed improvements in my work habits, since I thought about my phone a lot less often now that I couldn’t see it whenever my eyes drifted away from my work.  Although I was a bit concerned about missing important messages or calls, I ended up not missing anything important.  The main reason for this was because I told myself that I could not check my phone until I finished the task at hand.  This motivated me to finish my work quickly and then check my phone, so not only did I check my phone, but I also finished my work in a productive manner.  The method used here is similar to guiding a dog with a treat.  Only once the dog finishes the race, competition, or task can the dog get the treat, and only once I finish with a certain segment of my work can I check my phone.

               Although the first method seemed to be fairly effective, I felt as if I needed to have further motivation to stay away from my phone, so I created a second method.  I brought my phone out onto my desk, so it was visible, but with several days of mental control preventing me from looking at it, I thought I would be okay.  For the most part I was fine and was not distracted by my phone, but in case I were to get distracted, I set up a punishment system.  For each time I looked at my phone unnecessarily, I forced myself to do fifteen push-ups.  This added motivation seems to be fairly effective, and it seems that I have nearly reached my new goal of not being distracted by my phone.  Initially, I set out to avoid using my phone in an excessive and distractive manner, but as I completed the experiment, I realized that using my phone wasn’t necessarily the problem, but being distracted by it when I wasn’t using it was the main concern.  It appears I have addressed this concern, and there is a good amount of research showing that this problem is not only an issue for me, but many people experience this issue.  In an experiment (which was published in Social Psychology), two groups of students were tested, with one of the groups having their cell phones on the desks and the other group had their cell phone out of sight.  The group which had the cell phone out of sight performed significantly better than the other group, and the difference was most notably during more difficult problems.  I believe this correlates directly to my issue, and I think the experiment I have performed has helped me to be stronger mentally to avoid distraction caused by my cell phone. 

Inequality: Can Social Media Resolve Social Divisions?

Danah Boyd, the author of “Inequality: Can Social Media Resolve Social Divisions?” approaches the topic in a couple of different manners.  Primarily, Boyd uses her own experiences to convey the message that the internet will not and is not helping to quell the inequalities which exists across the country, but especially among youth.  Boyd discusses all of the abnormalities or signs of division which she notices while talking with teenagers about their daily lives and more specifically their social media accounts.  All of these informal interviews can be considered Boyd’s fieldwork which is used to ultimately come to her conclusion regarding the topic. 

In order to further strengthen her argument, Boyd goes beyond fieldwork by bringing in outside information.  One of the first instances of this comes when she alludes to the Atlantic Telegraph Company and the resulting assumptions that the telegraph will bridge cultural divides across the world.  These references, which oftentimes include other works of literature strongly support Boyd’s argument by provided a level of authority or proof.  The author becomes much more respected when she brings in outside information to back up her opinions and fieldwork.  For example, she mentions the works of a linguist, psychologist, and a philosopher to strengthen her argument.  The secondary research which Boyd completed not only strengthens her argument, but it also shows a wide variety of approaches to the issue.  Embracing the complexity of the issue through these various opinions of experts, combined with her own fieldwork results in a solid and well-formed article. 

As well-formed as the article is with the fieldwork and secondary research, the article would not be complete or nearly as interesting if Boyd did not personally reflect on her discoveries.  She presents the reader with a strong opinion that we do not live in a postracial society, and that, in fact, segregation and inequality is alive and well in society.  Her opinion is voiced following the discovery of this inequality, first seen with Keke in Los Angeles.  Rather than simply stating facts, Boyd allows the reader to have insight into her thoughts, as seen in a particular statement, “What struck me as I talked with teens about how race and class operated in their communities was their acceptance of norms they understood to be deeply problematic” (303).  Overall, the combinations of personal reflection, fieldwork, and secondary research resulted in a solid and convincing piece of literature.       

Consider the Lobster

David Foster Wallace travels to Maine for the Maine Lobster Festival, but he writes relatively little about the festival itself, and more about the people and the possible ethical issues involved with cooking lobsters.  In addition to the information he gives, either from his own experiences or from experts, Wallace gives the reader insight into his personal reactions to the information.  One of the primary ways in which Wallace reflects, is by asking questions.  For example, he repeatedly asks questions regarding whether or not it is right to boil a creature alive.  He continues to ask further questions which allow the reader to think about the material in the same way that Wallace is thinking about the information. 

In addition to asking rhetorical questions, Wallace also utilizing footnotes very effectively to voice his opinions and reflections on various information mentioned in the reading.  He is able to add his own take in these footnotes, without taking away from the main part of the reading.  Although Wallace never comes to a decisive conclusion (in the footnotes or main portion of the passage), he does present the reader with enough information and a small insight on how he feels.  For example, while talking about the possibilities of pain reception in lobsters, he states, “I for one can detect a marked upswing in mood as I contemplate this latter possibility” (Wallace 14).  This reflection gives the reader a generalized idea of how Wallace feels, without specifically or explicitly stated his opinion.  This creates a much better relationship between Wallace and his audience.  Since he reflects on a variety of facts and statements, rather than jumping to conclusions and then backing up his opinions, his audience is much more likely to be interested in what he has to say.  In fact, Wallace even leaves the reader with several questions to answer.  These questions obviously were of much interest to Wallace, showing his reflection and thoughts once again.  In addition to showing Wallace’s interest, the rhetorical questions to close out the article also invite the reader to consider the same reflections that Wallace himself has made regarding the Maine Lobster Festival and the treatment of lobsters for consumption.  

Shipping Out

               David Foster Wallace recounts his journey, for the first time, on a luxury cruise.  He begins writing a generalized summary regarding all of his unique experiences, for good or bad (mostly bad).  Additionally, he discusses the propaganda which is used to lure people onto the cruises.  Wallace includes specific quotes and examples which enforce his claims.  He is sure to add his own opinion on what all of this means, even dissecting individual advertisements.  This analysis gives the reader a unique perspective as to what Wallace thinks with regards to his trip.  Then, Wallace goes on to tell the story as it happened chronologically.  He only stops to add his own personal reactions to these experiences.  For example, Wallace includes descriptions of many specific shirts or sunglasses or other items, which he then expands upon to show that all of these “Nadirits” (as he called them) are typical American tourists.  He continues to write about how these people and their touristy actions negatively affect, primarily through embarrassment, Wallace.

               Regardless of what the specific situation was, Wallace always related it back to himself and how it affected him, whether positively or negatively.  Without these connections being drawn, it would make it difficult for the reader to relate to the writing.  Instead of the writing being a simple summary of Wallace’s cruise, he was able to make it into something interesting for many readers by showing his reactions to the various situations on the cruise.  Whether it be the curiosity regarding the cleaning of Room 1009 or the cruise which pulls up next to Nadir, Wallace is able to write about his feelings to make it not just any event, but a meaningful event.  There are many more areas in which the reader is able to relate to Wallace since he expands on his experiences, as opposed to if this article were simply a summary of his cruise.  In addition to Wallace’s reflections benefitting the readers by creating a more interesting article, his reflections also help Wallace.  As the author, Wallace benefits greatly by his reflections because they created meaning, which is seen in the conclusion of the article.  Wallace is able to closely relate the hypnotist’s works with his own feelings that he wrote about early on, regarding everything that went on throughout the cruise.   

Experiment

               In the world today, it seems as if everyone is looking down at their smart phone, regardless of what they are doing.  These smart phones seem to consume our everyday lives, and I see it as a major problem.  Personally, I realize that my phone consumes much of my daily life.  I realize that these devices can be and are quite useful, but much of the time I spend on my phone is completed unnecessary.  It has become a habit for me and other people to “check” our phones for no particular reason.  Sure, we may go on Twitter or Instagram or Facebook, but we only do this because that’s all we can think of doing.  Rarely do I unlock my phone to intentionally check one of these forms of social media.  The only times I will purposefully use my phone is to respond to a text message or to make or receive a call.  Every other time, checking my phone is simply something I do because I have nothing else to do. 

               In an attempt to combat my slightly excessive phone use (although I use it a lot less than some other people), I will try to use my phone only when absolutely necessary.  I am not trying to avoid people trying to get in contact with me, but I would like to make sure that my phone is not the foremost thing on my mind at all hours of the day.  When my phone vibrates or rings, I will try to finish the current task at hand prior to addressing the notification on my phone.  Overall, the goal is for me to become less dependent on my phone.  This will mean that while I am waiting in a classroom for a class to start, I will not aimlessly spend time on my phone, but I will instead use the time productively. 

               In order to encourage myself to complete this experiment I will need to set mental goals for myself.  I believe that it will not be easy to ignore the constant buzzing emitted by my phone, but if I begin to show signs of failure, I will need to rethink my strategy to continue the experiment.  In no ways will I stop the experiment over the next few weeks, but I may need to readdress my strategies.   

The Unitasker

The author who calls himself the Unitasker, A.J. Jacobs, partakes in an excruciating experiment for many various reasons.  Most of all, he is motivated to focus better after a dangerous car accident caused by multitasking.  This would be considered his main exigence for performing this experiment.  The accident allowed him to think further about his life and his daily actions.  Aside from his personal motivation, he is also interested in giving the audience an idea of what it is like to focus on one thing at a time.  His purpose is to take the audience on an adventure to hopefully learn the same very important things that he learned throughout his experiment.  In the context of this specific chapter, the audience would likely be the same people who are interested in A.J. Jacobs’ books or interested in life experiments in general.  It is very possible that the readers are reading the chapter while participating in another activity, whether it be exercising, eating, or talking.  In this particular scenario, the audience could be a group of multitaskers.

               This experiment is one of many for A.J. Jacobs so it is likely that the reader would have a good reason to believe what he or she is reading.  Jacobs builds up credibility or ethos through conducting multiple different experiments in his life and presenting them in this book.  Also, A.J. Jacobs is a fairly well-known author who has written many different works, including many articles published in Esquire.  The moment that people see a name they recognize when reading a piece of literature, they give the author a distinct level of credibility.  Additionally, the mention of the horrific car accident which triggered this experiment gives the audience a firm reason to believe that Jacobs is writing with a solid purpose.  Once again, this adds to his ethos and makes the experiment more meaningful for the audience. 

               Although Jacobs does include brief instances of statistical research, much of his information comes from his own personal accounts.  For example, he brings up a study regarding Baboons and a UCLA study relating to multitasking.  All of this support intertwined within the timeline of Jacobs’ experiment helps create a strong argument.  Structurally, the chapter is very solid and Jacobs even ends with a coda (written on a typewriter), which relays the results of the experiment back to the reader so the reader can learn what Jacobs has learned.  

Aldous Huxley's Three Directions and a Dinner Conversation

A.J. Jacobs’ article, “The Overly Documented Life” fits Aldous Huxley’s three directions flawlessly.  First of all, his writing is completely personal, with the entire story focusing on his own life.  Although Jacobs includes some factual information in the introduction, the majority of the article includes personal experiences regarding the use of a small camera called a Looxcie.  The article focuses on the author and his own interactions with other people, especially with regards to his lifelogging.  Therefore, it is written entirely in first person, in order to give the reader a more personal perspective. 

Jacobs starts off by writing about the historical background regarding the human memory.  In contrast to the remainder of the article, the introduction is quite objective.  This fits into another one of Huxley’s three directions.  Finally, the universal or poetic aspect of the article fits into Huxley’s last remaining direction.  In this case, the universal aspect is seen through the common struggle to remember past events.  Jacobs discusses many events, such as marital quarrels or misplacing items, which help create a universal atmosphere for all readers.  He is able to create this atmosphere, because all of the circumstances are experienced by everyone in their everyday life.  Even though Jacobs is writing in an autobiographical manner, he still is able to connect to all readers in an abstract fashion through the introduction of relatable circumstances.    

In addition to Jacobs’ inquiry driven article fitting Aldous Huxley’s three directions, his writing also exhibits the dinner conversation model.  Jacobs, as the head of the dinner table, invites many guests to add to his personal quest in lifelogging.  His guests include people such as his wife, many friends, and even a random guy in a bathroom.  All of these guests add a different perspective and viewpoint with regards to Jacobs’ filming adventure.  Some people support the idea of filming everything, while others severely critique his lifelogging.  Regardless of their opinions, the guests bring up new ideas and ask further questions, sometimes returning to the original problem.  Returning to the original question, which is “How can lifelogging benefit daily life” is a primary characteristic of the dinner conversation model, which is fully encompassed by this article.  

Bibliographic Sources- Source Two

Navratilova, Martina (Martina). “Battle Over Pay For College Athletes Is Getting Started                       like Olympics used to be- everyone made$ except the athletes.” 22 Aug. 2015,                       11:13 p.m. Tweet.

            The author of this tweet is Martina Navratilova, one of the greatest female tennis players of all-time, is able to express her feelings regarding the argument between those who support paying college athletes, and those who do not support paying the athletes.  Her primary claim, or complaint is that everyone involved college athletics is receiving financial compensation, except for the players themselves.  She compares this to the Olympics (in which she participated) where the players do not get paid a significant amount, but everyone else does get paid quite well.  As a form of evidence, Navratilova includes a link to a Huffington Post article, which discusses many attempts to grant athletes the privilege of being paid.  In addition to having strong credibility, or ethos, since she is a well-known athlete, the Huffington Post article also adds some level of authority.

Since the author was a very prominent athlete, it is likely that much of her following base (especially on a form of social media such as twitter) is also interested in sports.  Her audience likely influenced her decision to post this tweet.  This means that there would have been a much smaller chance of her posting a tweet which would denounce paying college athletes.  Navratilova would not want to lose any fans or supporters by going against what many of her followers believe.  Although the argument is limited in length (by Twitter’s rules), there is still a clear purpose.  It is unlikely that she would have been willing to write much more than she did, and the reader likely would not have wanted to read much more.  If she did want to write more, Navratilova could have expressed her opinion somewhere other than twitter.  She wants all of her followers to realize (in a brief, easy to read format) that there is plenty of money to go around, but college athletes are still not being paid.  Although paying college athletes would have no real benefit for Navratilova, she still feels the need to spread her opinion because she was once an Olympic athlete who was not being paid sufficiently (at least in her opinion).  She is able to draw a close and somewhat unlikely connection between these two examples, while presenting an arguably brief and effective argument to her followers.   

“Battle Over Pay For College Athletes Is Getting Started- like Olympics used to be- everyone made$ except the athletes” (Navratilova)

Bibliographic Sources- Source One

Majerol, Veronica. "Should college athletes be paid? two recent rulings may                      change the face of college sports." New York Times Upfront 15 Sept. 2014:                 14+. Biography in Context. Web. 2 Sept. 2015.

Recently, several changes have been made which could have a potential impact on the debate over whether college athletes should be paid.  In 2014, a federal judge ruled that athletes in high level football and basketball programs are entitled to receive money if they are used in video games or television broadcasts.  The author provides arguments from both sides of the story, including the NCAA (not supporting paying athletes) and athletes and a college professor (largely in support of compensation for college athletes).  The author also brings up a few statistics, including the amount of revenue the NCAA generates from ‘March Madness’ each year ($800 million) and the amount of Alumni donations Texas A&M received after Johnny Manziel won the Heisman Trophy ($740 million).  Overall, the author does not come to a clear conclusion, although she does end with a quote favoring compensation for college athletes. 

The author is presenting her argument to a wide audience, since it is in the New York Times, but the title will likely attract the attention of those concern with sports.  Although the author presents both sides of the argument, she seems to have a slight tendency to support the athletes.  She presents slightly more pro-athlete arguments than anti-athlete arguments and ultimately ends the article with a strong pro-athlete quote.  This is understandable, since she is writing to sports fans, who most likely support compensation for college athletes.  Generally speaking though, Majerol’s main goal is to present the information in an unbiased fashion.  She uses the facts (especially the recent court decision) to present mostly other people’s arguments.  She is likely unable to present her personal opinion in this article because of oversight from the New York Times.  I do not believe that this is an editorial in which Majerol is free to voice her true opinion.  Nonetheless, she is still able to convey and present information.  If anything, the oversight and censorship helped her to publish a primarily unbiased article.

“At the same time, the NCAA and its member universities benefit enormously from popular athletes, who bring in millions of dollars in TV revenues and memorabilia sales, increase alumni donations, and attract new students.” (paragraph 8)

“The NCAA takes in about $800 million in revenue a year from the 'March Madness' men's basketball tournament.” (paragraph 16)

Comparitive Rhetorical Analysis

               The issue which I plan on discussing in my comparative rhetorical analysis is that college athletes are currently not being paid for their athletic involvement.  Many people believe that athletes should be compensated for their performances, while others believe that the athletes should not receive any money from the college.  I chose this topic because I do not have a strong opinion regarding the issue, which will allow me to be impartial when attempting to analyze the media’s portrayal of this particular subject.  Although I do not have much of an opinion, the issue is still very much alive and continues to be brought up today.  This means that there are various different sources communicating their own message regarding the issue.  There are really only three options for opinions on this issue: The medium either supports paying athletes, does not want athletes to be paid, or has no clear opinion.  Information and opinions about paying college athletes are readily available from many medium, including twitter, local news stations, sports networks, and newspapers.  I believe that some of these sources will include arguments strongly supporting compensation for college athletes, particularly the sports networks, whereas others, possibly the newspapers or news stations, may lean the opposite direction (or be impartial) on this issue.  I am able to come to these conclusions because of audience to which these media are presenting their information to.  The sports networks are knowledgeable that much of their audience supports athletes, across the board.  On the other hand, newspaper or local and national news stations are much more likely to be more fair and unbiased in order to maintain a positive reputation.  Any taking of sides may be seen as unprofessional, so therefore could be costly in these forms of media.  Twitter could present and argue the issue of paying college athletes in many different ways.  The exact viewpoint is strongly dependent on the user who posts or tweets about the issue.  Generally, the people who really want the change enacted, are the most outspoken and supported.  For this reason, I suspect many of the twitter posts relating to the subject will be in favor of paying college athletes, although I do believe there will be some who would like to resist the change.  Additionally, many athletes (who would likely supporting compensation for college athletes) have large following bases which can lead to a greater exigence or drive to write the post.

Rhetorical Analysis of "Why Women Aren't Welcome on the Internet"

Amanda Hess, the author of “Why Women Aren’t Welcome on the Internet” has a very strong and concerning reason to be writing this article.  The exigence, or drive to write, for this article is quite clearly the threats which Hess has received from various and anonymous internet users.  She lists and describes these appalling threats to make it clear what her exact purpose is, in writing the article.  The vulgar threats are listed, strategically, to appeal to the reader’s sense of fear.  Hess is sure to mention the great effects that the threats have on her life.  The reader would not want to receive any threats similar to what Hess received, therefore, Hess is able to put the reader in her shoes.  It is important to note that the author consistently mentions her and her colleague’s jobs to establish a sense of authority and credibility.  If any random person was receiving these threats, it is unlikely that the reader would be too incredibly concerned, but since the threats are affecting people’s jobs and livelihoods, the reader feels the need to react with some level of concern.  Even though Hess is able to create a sense of authority, she still makes it clear that she needs help.  In a way, she is begging for other people to make a difference, realizing that her attempts are futile.  Her begging and pleading is clear in her voice.  She ends the article mentioning that her files are neatly organized, but her anxieties are not.  This shows that she believe she has done everything possible.  Now, she believes, it is someone else’s turn to take action.  Although the article specifically mentions these threats being against women, it is clear that Hess is trying to get her message out to everyone.  In fact, it is likely that men are her primary audience because she is relying on them to make changes and allow women to have a greater voice in the resulting actions or punishments following these threats.  Hess lists many statistics showing, among other things, how rarely men receive threatening messages, in comparison to women.  This is another good example of the author establishing herself and backing up her points with solid statistics and reason.  Overall, Hess does a good job presenting the argument, but ultimately she leaves the reader with a problem and few solutions for the problem.        

Analysis of The Loneliness of the Interconnected

Charles Seife, the author of this article, is able to convey a strong message throughout this text.  He writes to teach the reader that people hold onto their beliefs with a firm grasp and most attempts to challenge these beliefs only strengthen the original beliefs.  Seife continues to discuss the influence of the internet on people’s beliefs and how a lack of isolation can lead people to think that their belief is, in fact, the truth.  Throughout these arguments, the author is able to use many examples and statistics to back up and prove the information he presents.  The examples are, at first, introduced and detailed, then subsequently related to the argument which was stated.  For example, the fictitious disease Morgellons was defined for the reader and then Seife was able to dissect the situation and prove that the Morgellons case was an example of how people can influence each other’s beliefs.  The progression of this particular case was detailed in the reading to show how people’s and group’s perceptions were changed over time.  Later in the article, the author lists many different groups of people who hold unique set of ideals and beliefs.  This list, which includes groups that would be considered extremist by many, is used very effectively to prove that almost any belief can be expanded through the internet or other forms of interaction.  Also, these examples add validity to the statement previously mentioned that when multiple people share a belief, the belief is strengthened.  Without these repetitive and informative examples, it is unlikely that the reader would be able to grasp the ideas which are brought forth in the article.  These examples come from history, which has already happened and had an effect, which is a useful way for the author to prove that people are strengthening their beliefs, rather than challenging them.